I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
