The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can text with my tongue
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
