Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
