I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
