Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize