just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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