i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
