Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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