the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
