2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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