let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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