i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
