What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
