Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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