Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
