I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
