God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
