Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
