you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
