Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
