what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
