508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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