I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize