Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
