i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
