then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
