You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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