I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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