Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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