i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A bitchslap is in order.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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