she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
