It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
