...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
