i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
