I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
