I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
