Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
