you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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