i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
