I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
