smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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