I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
