I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Actions speak louder than pants.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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