Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
