My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
