It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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