I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
