Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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