dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
