yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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