i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
