Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
