Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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