dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
