We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
