Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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