ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize