You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
