I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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