I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
