It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize