We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
