i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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