You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
