Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize