Your tits are I can't wait for
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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