Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
