she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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