And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize