Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
