My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have feelings that need drinking.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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