a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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