she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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